Day cares

we have alwayd said that Ethan goes to day care when he reach 12 month. that'd be next Feb. Both of us grew up in daycare when we were little. or maybe I didn;t, I was at a homecare for 6 days a week, only went home on sundays (back then we didn't have Saturday off).of course I didn't remember anything other than what had been told by my parents. it felt OK untill I had Ethan, I couldn't imagin leaving him for more than 12 hours. I guess I am becomin a control freak, I just don't trust anyone, surely they maybe know more about babies, but I care him the most. I told myself that I will take Ethan to daycare next year. but the more I think about it, the more I hate that idea. it makes my feel sad :-( I know he wants me ...maybe not, he'd be fine, he will survive and he will learn and cope. he is my boy, he will do well, but I still feel sad leaving him with strangers. bunch kids ... the image of him being with a group of stranger kids and teachers in a crowded room just breaks my heart. but it is good for him, isn't it? he needs to grow up, but he is still a baby. I wish I could spend more time with him, I wish they do part time program. maybe I will do 4 days but not taking him on Fridays.
daycares are expensive too. average $1000/month. Alex has felt in love with the Creme-de-Creme which is really nice but we will be really at stretch. I doubt it worth it. I think he is who he is and he follows his own path. I could not change him for what I like and noboby can and noboby should. he will grow and become who he destinated to be despite what we had hoped. it is all about him ... not me ...right? I need to love and accept no matter what...